Imagine being 10 times richer than Bill Gates and Warren Buffet combined! Not possible? But it is!

There’s plenty of books on Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, to discover how they made their fortunes. All you have to do is create the next critical component of everyone’s lives, or invest in absolutely the right thing at exactly the right time. The track records and phenomenal success of these businessmen are inspiring, yet how can we apply this to our own lives? Yet, there’s another whose wealth utterly dwarfs that of today’s richest people, if the accounts of his wealth are accurate. King Solomon’s wealth would today top 1 trillion dollars!

King Solomon’s secret? At the age of 12, he ascended the thrown of Israel when, according to the Old Testament, God appeared to him and offered to grant him one desire. Solomon did not ask for riches and honour, he asked for wisdom. Concerned that he was young and inexperienced, Solomon asked God for something that would help him rule effectively and judiciously lead the people. Because Solomon asked for wisdom (or a ‘Hearing Heart) and did not ask for riches and honour, God blessed him with wealth also.

Solomon was bestowed with riches and honour far greater than any king before or after him. His sage advice was sought by rulers of nations. His success and wealth increased beyond even your vivid imagination. His gold reserves are the subject of legend, his palace immense. He wrote the book of Proverbs in the Bible which not only survives but his writing on being diligent and understanding have influenced the world for 3 thousand years.

So what can we learn from Solomon about diligence and understanding?
He who cultivates his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless people and pursuits will have poverty enough. (Proverbs 28:19 – Amplified)
Surf around the Internet and you soon find people guaranteeing you instant riches with little or no work. Follow such get-rich-quick schemes and you show your naivety and ignorance. Solomon cautions against following worthless people as leading to poverty – those who work hard will reap the rewards of their efforts.

The appetite of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the appetite of the diligent is abundantly supplied. (Proverbs 13:4 – Amplified)
Those whose desire is high yet their diligence to work is slight remain unfulfilled. Having a great dream is one thing, now to put in the effort required to achieve it.

The hand of the diligent will rule, but the slothful will be put to forced labor. (Proverbs 12:24 – Amplified)
Lazy or slothful people have their time and effort dictated by others. Most commonly these days, the banks or some mother financial institution become the rulers of the lives of those lazy with their finances. Instead of choosing how to enjoy our disposable income, we are forced to sue it to repay debts from living beyond ourselves earlier.

But I’ve worked hard, very hard! I put in more hours than anyone else. I just haven’t had the breaks I need. It’s not my lack of diligence, it’s the economy, the government, the system, the market, the competition… (choose one or many). Yes, but what is it all for?

Define your dream
Where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18 – KJV).
Without a vision or a dream, we are directionless. We lose motivation to do much at all, we’re not committed to anything. Our energy is sapped and our joy disappears. But bring your dream forward into a clear vision and the opposite is true. You’ll find the spark that ignites the fuel to send you rocketing towards your dream.

Wake up and smell the coffee.
How long will you sleep, O sluggard? When will you arise out of your sleep?… poverty come like a robber or one who travels [with slowly but surely approaching steps] and your want like an armed man [making you helpless] (Proverbs 9,11 – Amplified).
Procrastination and excuses are real enemies that cause ineffective hours that lead to inactive days, unproductive weeks, meaningless months and wasted years. Pointless activities that yield no fruit and a life of regret and unfulfilled dreams.

What I need is time management! Time is relative, but it simply isn’t within your powers to manage it. Get off the sofa and give your dream a chance.

Partner with others
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgement (Proverbs 18:1 – NKJV)
A wise leader develops a team of talented people around them and a network of friends and partners who support so that they become rich in social capital. When we isolate ourselves, we cut off that all important support. Have you ever met a wealthy, successful and fulfilled person who was completely isolated and did it entirely alone? I didn’t think so.

Solomon was the richest man who ever lived, yet his true wealth was in his godly wisdom. We can all learn from this – and whilst we may not like the advice, you know that living a life of purpose and godly diligence will satisfy.

Something that I believe is a much worse situation, is that many people neglect to develop and improve their influence of themselves. Odd? I don’t need to influence myself. If I tell myself to do something, I simply do it. Exactly, that’s why so few people consider the importance of this. We work on the simple assumption that we don’t need to influence ourselves. Maybe not, but building the habits of higher levels of influence with others starts with ourselves. Let’s discuss these five levels in respect to self-influence.

Level 1 – Position. Are you in a superior position – i.e. a position of authority of yourself? Do you have power over yourself?

For example, you know that in order to improve your golf game, you need to do some good stretching exercises. Others have told you this, your instructor, magazines, peers and so on. Do you do it? Some of you do – well done. Most of you don’t.

You also have a busy life, what with work, family, kids, social activities, friends and so on. In order for you to ensure that you practice your golf suitably and regularly to improve, you have organised your priorities such that you always practice when you plan to? Yes, I hear you, family and unexpected events do crop up don’t they. Hmmm, influence? Over others and self?

Basically, most people do not have positional power over them self. A few will exercise this and may be referred to as having an ‘iron will’, be ‘determined’, or be ‘uncompromising’. For others, if you find that you need others to push you along every time, you might like to change this situation.

Okay then, Level 2 – Permission – based on relationships. Do you have a good relationship with yourself? Do you. honestly now, like yourself? Do you enjoy and appreciate the relationship that you have with yourself?
Some of you do, and that’s excellent, again, most do not – at least if they are honest with themselves.

Weird, namby pamby, soft clap trap. Oh that it were. The psychiatrists chairs are filled with people whose relationship with self has irreparably broken down. Unfortunately this isn’t just psychological bull – it’s a genuine problem. And basically, if you don’t like yourself, you won’t follow your requests.

Ever find yourself struggling to take your own, perfectly good advice? You know it’s the right or the best thing to do, but simply are not being influenced by someone that you actually like.

Perhaps you skipped the first two levels (or think you did, because we actually go tup the levels as we mature – still, the first two could have been climbed in childhood).

Level 3 – Production. You accept the influence of you having made good performance enhancing decisions in the past.

This is where you practice well, and properly because your experience has been to win competitions, beat your peers (whatever you have as results) – you have achieved the results you set out to achieve. Now you ‘believe’ yourself when you request yourself to continue the process. A good level of influence to be – there’s still a spot higher we could use, but so long as you constantly present yourself with appropriate results, this will suffice.

Better still, is to reach level 4 influence – People development – where you influence yourself because you have developed yourself effectively before and it has done you good. These individuals are true self-starters. Often they learn for the pure love of learning – they don’t need external impetus as a necessary ‘reason’. They respect their personal development, they make time for themselves, they indulge in everything that they want to indulge in and know, always, that every opportunity to learn is a learning experience.

Will you reach level 5 – person-hood? Do you, indeed can you, respect yourself. Now, I have worked with many people to work on this – and they successfully achieve it. The people at this level with themselves you meet who are very ‘centred’ – strong in their values or live a ‘principled’ life. Nothing seems to ruffle them, overly worry them – and, incidentally, they treat everyone around them with respect as well… they are at, or near this level with themselves.

Now, there are going to be some people out there reading this, or hearing this and thinking that it’s a load of crock. Of course, you are entitled to your opinion and I am always happy to debate the concept in the furtherance of people being able to get the best out of themselves. Meantime, I just ask -  do you talk to yourself? Do you ever have a debate going on – it doesn’t mean you have to speak out loud – self-talk can be entirely internal. You do? Who then, are you talking to?

Weighing up the pro’s and con’s – presenting yourself with a balanced argument… perhaps you want to buy a new set of clubs. Now, this is not a decision to be taken lightly. New clubs, can cost a small fortune – indeed a large fortune too. As you go through the internal debate, you are influencing yourself one way or the other.

Let’s work on a hypothetical situation. You have been playing golf for some time. You’re instructor has recommended that you buy new clubs to fit your body – your current set inherited from your father who was 6 inches shorter than you. You have no major crisis in your family requiring your savings immediately and you are in a suitably secure financial situation – but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s a new set of clubs or, a longer summer holiday. You love to play golf and want the new clubs to assist your  length and, let’s face it, the old clubs have a few deep scratches and maybe the alignment is off…

There are, according to John C. Maxwell, five levels of influence – each with their own rights and each with their power to influence.

Level 1 – Position – This is when you have the positional authority (aka power) over someone else and they have to follow because of the power relationship. The most familiar situation when this is displayed is between children and their parent – in the never ending cycle of “why do I have to?” the exasperated parent running short of arguments or more frequently, time, responds “because I said so!” never an effective nor motivational response, but it sums up how leaders finally resort to this positional power to cause someone else to have to do something.

Level 2 – Permission – based on relationships – where people follow because they want to as they have a good relationship with you

Level 3 – Production – based on results that you have demonstrably achieved for the organisation. People follow because of what you have done for the organisation

Levels 4 – People Development – based on reproduction – people follow because of what you have done for them personally. This is the top level for most people and is only achieved with those you have personally developed – though your reputation for enabling others to excel will allow a superior level 3 (results)

Level 5 – Person-hood - based on respect – sadly very very few people will ever achieve this. Though its the level that many aspire to have or rather believe in themselves that others should simply respect them (usually these are disenfranchised level 1 leaders who demand ‘respect’ from authority rather than earn the genuine respect and admiration of others through their actions and continual display of care and concern for others, the organisation and standing up for forthright and important values.

Your ability to influence others is often misunderstood at best, and reliant on ‘luck’ at worst. Few leaders in the world understand their position of influence with each of their constituents and fewer still, work a deliberate plan to increase their influential effectiveness with others.

These five attitudes form the basis of an effective and prosperous life. You do not have to believe them to be true – you just have to ACT as if they are true. You will gain enormous and wonderful new perspective on your golf game, your leadership at work, at home, at school, at college, at life.

People can change anything = I can change my golf swing/habits/putting/handicap
People are NOT their behaviours = I am myself, they are them-self – their behaviour means something else
The meaning of communication is the response you get = I can tell myself exactly what I DO want
There is no failure, only feedback = I enjoy making mistakes, it allows me to learn more
Respect the other person’s model of the world = I perceive that I hit perfect drives every time and that’s my reality

The greatest change you can rapidly bring about with these attitudes is to turn negative feelings into neutral or even positive feelings. In our workshops we run an exercise with these attitudes and it is one of the most powerful and emotive moments. The number of people I’ve worked with who after years and years of holding onto a false-belief as a result of an attitudinal problem find enormous relief, is staggering. With these attitudes, you can take a fresh look at all of life’s problems and issues. Everything that has seemed for so long to be insurmountable, can and is changed when you act as if these attitudes are true.

You know those times, when you tell someone something and they don’t get it? So you tell them again. and sometime again. And they still don’t get it. Who has the problem? You or them?

I hope by now that you’re realising that it’s you. They don’t have a problem, they don’t get it (oh. and by the way, that’s their problem!)

Communication is NOT telling. Communication often involves talking, but it is a two-way process – it requires listening and observing as well. You explain something in such a manner that the receiver is able to fully understand what it is that you are explaining.

Take, for example, your golf instructor. She explains how to improve your swing, demonstrates the process and guides you, often physically by straightening your elbow, pushing your hips, widening your stance and so on. You continue this and slowly, gradually, as she sees that you have ‘got it’, will tell and show, less and less. Now that is communication. How well you continue to improve your swing is the response you are giving to that communication. If you do not improve, then the communication is lacking.

All of us have our own preferred ways of communicating. Some people like to use pictures for example – we create pictures with words and with our hands and bodies. Others prefer something more concrete – we need to walk through the swing – feel it in our muscles. Others prefer sound, and are quite happy for you to speak to them only. Others like music in the background, or a beat to swing to. Some people like to know what is possible, others prefer to know what is necessary. Some people like to improve whilst others prefer to not be a bad player.

Each of us has a small armoury of ways in which we can communicate – and it is our job to use that armoury, or toolset if you prefer, to the best of our abilities. If the response you get is not the one that you wanted, then it is your job to effectively communicate. Notice that in English language, we are not ‘communicated at’.

We will look at communication in detail in the Outcome Based communication chapter. For the moment, if you act as if the statement “The meaning of communication is the response you get” is true – then you will move from being at effect, to being at cause – and now you can do something about it.

Let me show you another example, where our communication (or lack thereof) is interpreted and causes an unexpected response. It’s to do with something called ‘complex equivalence’ where X=Y.
He doesn’t buy me flowers anymore = He doesn’t love me anymore
The husband is completely at a loss – this is often silent communication as well. He hasn’t got a clue what he’s done wrong (see more complex equivalence going on ‘She’s not talking to me=I’ve done something wrong’ (Although this is probably experience coming to the fore.)

You’ll hear this quite frequently in suppositions about another person… “He doesn’t care if he wins or loses”, “Really, why’s that?” “Because he never loses his temper when he loses”. Therefore, Doesn’t lose temper=doesn’t care. Tommy rot! I care deeply if I lose, doesn’t mean that I have to lose my temper about it.

And, whilst we’re on the subject, Bending your club around a tree is not a demonstration of how much you care passionately about making mistakes, or missing shots – it simply shows a lack of control.

This attitude applies to self-talk as well. Remember earlier we discussed how  your unconscious self-talk in regard to your beliefs and vision will manifest in your actions? If you communicate to yourself to make sure that you do (not) hit the ball into the woods and the ball goes beautifully into the trees… it is no more, and no less than the response to your own internal communication. Why worry about communicating with others if we can’t communicate with ourselves to get what we want?

Lets move this away from you for a moment as I know this is difficult for the virgin. Let’s say for the moment that your close friend has a ‘wayward’ son. A teenager dressed in grubby jeans, a haircut that suggests an alien stylist, colours that jar the eyes running with the local mob of ne’er do wells. Your friend laments to you that they are at their wits end and don’t know how to ‘get the boy back on the right track’. You like the lad, and tell your friend that you’ll ‘have a word’ and see if you can help in anyway.

Sometime later, you bump into the young lad and get chatting. The lad, reluctantly at first, and then more fluently pours out his heart to you – how his parent (your friend) is so controlling, so old-school, such a … You are surprised, this can’t be the same person he’s talking about… you tell him this.

Who’s got the right perception? Your friend, the son, or you? That’s right. All of you! Three completely different perceptions of the same situation and… they’re all correct! For the people holding the perception.

Ask the police. 20 people are eye-witnesses to a car-accident. 20 statements are taken and there are 20 variations of exactly the same event.

Ah, I hear you say – yes well, different viewpoints… Exactly. It’s what we perceive that is our reality.

Back to our peer group. If you perceive that they do not accept you, do not connect with you. That is your reality. Can you change reality? Of course, just change your perception of it and reality changes. I’m not suggesting Ostrich-like behaviour and burying your head in the sand (works for the Ostrich – have you ever seen an Ostrich hit a bad drive?) I am suggesting that you can change your attitude by acting as if it were true, and thence change reality.

There are some fundamental needs that drive our attitudinal behaviours – more about the why’s and wherefore in the chapter on Motivation. Here I’d like to pick up on one aspect of motivation that can radically change behaviour. There are some real big changes in someone’s life that result in a major shift in mindset and I’ll briefly discuss them here, then move onto the more commonly experienced change that changes behaviours.

Two big needs for human beings are the need for survival and the need for security. When an individual’s survival is at stake – their behaviour will change dramatically if necessary to ensure survival. The most compelling stories of survival are of women finding themselves able to lift trucks off their run-over child. Threaten our survival and our fear kicks into play. fear – unlike anger – is an emotion and state that has a perfectly good chemical system working in our body to rely on. This does not mean irrational fear – fear that is unnecessary such as phobias – but fear that threatens survival. This we need to keep – just in case.

The second big need that can cause massive behaviour change is security. If our security is threatened (extrapolate to survival) most people will fight to defend it. War is the classic example of this – when your homeland is invaded, your prior acceptance of the invader is quickly dispelled and many people are prepared to kill if necessary to protect their security. For those of you who might like to take me to task on this, I can be absolutely certain that your own security has never been threatened.

If either of these basic needs are threatened, well you won’t be playing golf will you. Might be a better way to resolve wars though.

Human beings share a need to belong. We all have a desire to feel accepted and of worth to our society (as in our social circle extending for many to society at large.) From early childhood, we have an in-built need for acceptance and connection with other humans – we are social animals. We want love and caring from our parents, our friends, our family. We crave ‘fitting-in’ at school or at work with our peer group.

Without such acceptance and connection in our group – we will seek it elsewhere. For a few, they seek that acceptance alone – might seem odd to some of you, but on your own, your mind creates its own group – and sometimes even they don’t accept you. For others, they will seek acceptance in other groups – well like joining a golf club for instance – here you meet and socialise and play with people who share something in common with you… they play golf. If you take a quick tour of your closest friends and associates you’ll find there’s even more in common. This is why people join gangs – especially those who find little or no acceptance in their families. Keeping in the gang becomes increasingly important – and gangs – especially gangs of youths earn themselves a bad reputation in greater society because they consistently cross the values of that greater society – they pitch themselves against it to form a stronger bonding between the members. It doesn’t excuse bad behaviour, but it partially explains it. So, a little aside, if you have kids or family members who’re members of a notorious gang – you can do something about it – and I don’t mean tell them! I mean show them you care and accept them for who they are and their values. I digress, but some of these snippets have changed peoples lives dramatically.

Our need to belong is profound. Our understanding of this is important in developing our maturity as a person. You have your own needs for acceptance and connection. This includes your work and your golf. Not to be taken lightly, your needs are part of the reason for playing golf at all. If you play badly, your own sense of self worth is hurt – play too badly and your friends may not want to continue playing with you, play too well and the same may be true. If your connection with your friends is important to you, you’ll play to keep in with the group.

Let me tell you about my squash group of friends. I play squash – not terribly well and not terribly either. I play it for the social reasons I’ve suggested above and for exercise. I enjoy the game, it’s very different to golf and I hate to go jogging – so it sort of fits for me. After playing regularly every Sunday morning before Church for several years, I decided that I was getting fed-up of being beaten in sets – I was worried that my friends would tire of easily beating me – that I wasn’t enough competition to maintain their interest. So I took some lessons from the club pro. Fantastic, pushed my stamina levels much higher, lengthened my stride and strengthened my wrist-play (did not, by the way help my golf swing rather dented it for a while!) We continued to play for a few weeks and then one by one, my friends couldn’t make our regular game. Just as I was beginning to win! I was upset for a while – and rapidly gaining weight (compensation?) You see, it turned out that far from my friends being insufficiently challenged by my play, they enjoyed it… I was that one person they could regularly beat. Oh well. I have new squash friends now – ones that enjoy being challenged and enjoy challenging and want to improve themselves. As for the old group? Well I too have a need to belong, to be accepted, to be connected but I’m buggered if I’m going to sink to the level of playing a crap game for someone else’s ego… maturity (?) with a little childishness for good measure ☺

There’s a need for us to belong, but there’s also a need for us to maintain our ‘self-worth’. If the two are in conflict, one will win over the other. When you allow your self-worth to be dictated by others – you have just lost control of your destiny.

When you were younger, you succeeded at something – possibly something sports related. You did well and this helped you find a sense of ‘self’. This in turn, helped you strengthen your self-image. Doubtless there were other activities that weakened your self-image. It’s quite likely that those activities that increased your self-image are things you remember fondly and continue to do. Those that harmed your sense of self-image, you recall less than fondly, and probably don’t continue. If you do, you’ve possibly just realised why you’re unhappy.

And there’s the rub. If your peer group doesn’t accept you, doesn’t connect with you – this causes distress which will manifest itself in some behaviour – usually negative behaviour. The more problematic aspect of this is that it is not whether your peer group accepts you or connects with you. It is whether you perceive that they do or do not that matters. Your perception = your reality.

If you genuinely believe that you are focusing on your target and you align yourself correctly, and yet you push the ball, or pull the ball away from the line of target. What do you do? Berate yourself for slicing or hooking? Bad move! Welcome the opportunity to learn what it was that you did, because there is going to come a shot where you want to hook it, or slice it around a tree? Excellent!

Learn from it – take joy in learning something. If it’s a consistent problem for you… then you can choose, go get some instruction from a good pro to improve your technique, learn how to re-align yourself to compensate (not so good but Gary Player had a peculiar swing to compensate for his clubs), or – very rarely – get your clubs fixed. If per chance you go to a pro who immediately tells you that you need a new set of clubs, then go elsewhere – it may be true (you can always go back later) but an expensive driver does not a golfer make. Think back to our car driving analogy – you’ve seen someone driving a Ferrari badly and someone else driving a Toyota very well? Of course it’s always worth checking your clubs for dints and dents, even Toyota’s break down (yeah but less often than Ferraris!) Of course anyone from that esteemed motor company that would like to prove the reliability of their vehicles on a personal level – I’m very happy to accept the challenge

Here are five attitudes that will change your life:

1. People can change anything
2. There is no failure, only feedback
3. People are NOT their behaviours
4. Respect the other person’s model of the world
5. The meaning of communication is the response you get

The attitude you portray outwardly is a result of your inner state. You might like to think of your inner state as a feeling. Most often, our state is described by a ‘feeling’ word: angry, happiness, joyful, accepted, guilty, peaceful for example.

I’m going to look at these one at a time and we’ll discuss the implications for your golf and for your leadership.

It’s obvious that some states are good for you, and some are not so good right? Anyone like to feel angry – I mean actually enjoy it? I don’t think so… if you believe that you enjoy feeling angry, I’d suggest that you have a more powerful result from your anger that – perhaps it’s power? The angry boss who persists in it because it’s the only way they can feel powerful – strip away their anger and they crumble.

Anger – directed at self, others or the outside world – for whatever ‘justifiable reason’ harms you. Firstly. think about something really pleasant. Remember the time when you were ecstatically happy or joyful? Whenever that time was, whatever you were doing (and there’s no need to be shy, but keep it to yourself OK ☺ ) live in that moment, see what you saw then, hear what you heard, feel how you felt, smell what you smelled, and taste what you tasted. There? Good isn’t it. Now remember that moment, because I want you to quickly get back here in a moment.

Allow the good feeling to dissipate – quick wasn’t it? Still nice and lingering just a little.

Now, remember the last time you were angry. Whatever you were angry about – a poor shot, a child misbehaving, an argument with your better half, your boss at work, a customer… what do you see? what do you hear? What do you feel? Nasty isn’t it? Unpleasant, perhaps a knotted feeling, certainly you’ll notice that certain muscles are tense. Now, go back to the happy memory and stay there as long as it takes to replace the feeling.

As you come back into the room with me, you’ll have noticed a difference between anger and happiness (or joy or whatever word you like to use). It’s likely that you took longer to dissipate the feeling of anger than that of happiness? Why is this? Well, the feeling of anger most often manifests itself in tension – physical tension – most often in the stomach, the shoulders and the head – but it can be anywhere in the body. Where’s yours?

You are an athlete right? Well you play golf, perhaps athlete is a little too strong for now, but you are nonetheless. So you are aware of having muscle ache, or ‘the stitch’? When you tense your muscles intensely or over a prolonged period – the muscles burn energy much faster – too fast for proper nutrition – and a toxin is left in the muscle tissue – which takes a while for the blood system to clear up. Anger creates tension which leaves a toxin in the body which takes time to clean. Too much, too often and your body will tire of this – requiring more replacement energy – that’s why angry people eat more than happy people – oh and usually they eat faster too. IT’s not the only reason, some people are just lazy and fat, but you, you are an athlete and do exercise and stretch plenty. You know that you need to keep stretching those muscles don’t you? The more flexibility and elasticity in your muscles, the better right? So, if anger creates tension – does this benefit flexibility and elasticity? No, of course not. So not only does anger fill you with toxins, it reduces your ability to swing well. Convinced that this anger thing isn’t good for you yet? Good, let’s move on with what you want instead.