Billions of dollars have been poured into world economies. Millions more into civic projects. Yet, just as with Madoff’s ill-gotten loot, the whereabouts of all this money is still in question.

So, just how can the small business get itself out of this recession sand trap?

For some, the sand trap is the scariest place on the golf course. Sand traps have the ability to intimidate even the most skilled players every now and then. No-one intends to get the ball in there and very few people relish the thought of playing out, but the experts all agree on at least one point with regard to getting out. Follow-through!

There are rules in golf that make this particular shot more challenging because you are not allowed to touch the sand near the ball before making the shot. You judge the need to open the clubface (to slide the club beneath the ball and sand for greater loft) or to close it (to ‘dig’ through the sand to get under a deeper embedded ball) is by eye and experience. Judge this badly (or indeed, execute wrongly) and you might hit the ball thinly, taking too little sand, or thickly, taking too much.

The key is to commit to the swing and follow-through. Stab at the ball without follow-through and there’s a 90% chance that the ball will remain in the trap with the club abruptly stopping (especially in wet sand). Ideally you hit the sand directly behind the ball, allowing the club and the sand to carry the ball out of the bunker.

Like many golfers, business people don’t practice enough, and they certainly don’t practice the tricky shots. (Pop down to any driving range and count the number of people practicing in the sand pit in front of the bays.) So, every business down-turn becomes a novelty. Fear and panic set in quickly and we witness many people trying to hit the ball out. Cut prices, sell ‘hard’, slash costs. Does it work? For some yes, they hit the ball thinly and the ball ends up on the other side of the green and often, out of bounds. Some attack the problem hard and hit the ball thickly – taking too much sand and burying the ball deeper a few inches further along.

Those that get out well, judged the situation, chose the right tool for the job, adjusted their stance and clubface and then they committed to the shot, took just the right amount of sand with them and followed-through.

Maybe you just misjudged that first attempt. There’s no point berating the green keepers, the course designer, your tools, your competitors, or worse, your customers. Learn from the experience, stop complaining, quiet your mind, judge the new situation, take your stance, adjust the use of the right tool. Aim for the sand not the ball! Commit. Follow-through.

In How the Mighty Fall, Jim Collins makes a case for why the fall of previously great companies does not negate prior research:

The principles in Good to Great were derived primarily from studying specific periods in history when the good-to-great companies showed a substantial transformation into an era of superior performance that lasted fifteen years. The research did not attempt to predict which companies would remain great after their fifteen-year run. Indeed, as this work shows, even the mightiest of companies can self-destruct.

Leading Blog: A Leadership Blog @ LeadershipNow: Confusing Principles and Approaches.

This should serve as a reminder, less that leadership research and the desire to stand by principles of good practice but there are three stages in the lives of leaders.

Great leaders and great companies begin as risk takers – they will push the boundaries and challenge the status quo. When the ‘fire in the belly’ is diminished and we rest on our laurels, we be come care takers os our business. This is especially true of any business or leader whose praises are sung from the pages of books, magazines, television or even movies. Soon follows the third stage of course, the role of under taker.

The day you or your business is identified as an example of excellence – be it a quote in a book, the cover of a magazine or a TV appearance is the day you need to sit up and take notice, forge ahead, learn from the past success and change.

Anoither excellent John Maxwell article – if only those bonus hungry bank execs would read it too…

Perhaps you are struggling on your journey to achieving your ’success’ and you may be suffering the consequences of one or more of the nine common delusions about achieving success. Depending on how much you believe your ’success’ is down to what you do (cause) and how much is down to external forces over which you have little or no control (effect) determines where you might be:

It’s impossible!

Particularly for those just embarking on their journey, ’success’ is a place far away. We may have wonderful dreams about it and a delightfully crafted goal. But as the days, weeks and months go by and ’success’ doesn’t appear to be any closer, many people throw in the towel. More budding entrepreneurs than I can recall have given up – life without a salary is just too tough.

When we’ve given up because ’success’ is impossible, we’ll then criticize it. Anyone who achieves success whom we deem less worthy is the subject of our scorn and contempt – “they don’t deserve it!”.

It’s a mystery to me…

If we survive the ‘impossible’ stage, seeing others achieving yet success continues to elude us we search for the secret.

We need to find the magic formula, the silver bullet or the golden key.

Retuning to that bookshop to find ‘the’ book that will change our lives. So many promise that you can achieve success in business, life, management, health, diet and they are snapped up.

Business people are constantly looking for quick fixes to problems:

• To sell more, we need the sales messages and techniques that instantly convert a cold call into a lifelong customer.
• To produce more, we need the unique leadership skills that magically and massively increase performance.
• To maintain shareholder value we need to increase profitability by increasing sales and reducing costs simultaneously. Either that or we cook the books to make it look as though we did.

Lady luck?

OK, so there’s no absolute secret to success. Sure we can learn from others, but they didn’t really do it instantly, it took time. But essentially, they were in the right place at the right time. No more than luck.

So if success is down to luck – all I can do is hope for it. One day my ship will come in. Next year, when the current economic crisis is over. The dice will fall my way.

May as well buy lottery tickets.If you’ve waited for ‘lady luck’ long enough and still on the journey, by now you may believe that luck only comes to those who create it for themselves.

All I need is a break!

If only…

Everyone has a story about someone they know who got their break. The telephone sales guy spotted in a mall by a movie producer and became an instant star. The busker in the subway ‘found’ by the record label. The crazy inventor who made gold from apple seeds.

But, if all you do is wait for it, when your opportunity comes your way, you won’t be ready for it.So you’ve not had fortune turn up on your doorstep. The 43 steps to instant success didn’t quite work out as expected. That anticipated call from the client you’ve not met didn’t come. Your website is getting plenty of ‘hits’ but turning those into business isn’t quite happening.

What I need is leverage.

We look for an angle to exploit or for leverage over someone else.

They’re successful. They do the same thing as me. Surely I can hang onto their coat tails and ride along until I’m on my feet, then I can set up on my own again, take the best customers with me and …

All I need to do is work harder!

OK, so you’re in charge of the situation now. It’s not about luck or any special formula. It’s all about hard work.

The best thing about working hard and producing results is that it feels rewarding.

Talk to anyone who has achieved success in their business, and I’ll bet they worked hard for it. They just kept going. Putting everything on the line and never giving up.

So that’s the real secret? Well, yes and no. Those people you know who are really successful in their business or career. How’s the rest of their life? Is there a chance that they are neglecting important relationships? I know of no-one on their death bed saying “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”

Hard work itself doesn’t bring success – you may be in a dead-end job, or your fabulous new product will remain unwanted forever.

So I haven;t attended the right event yet…

Most people take the middle road towards their success. A route that depends much on self-effort, yet recognizes that the outside world has a role in my success too.

A huge number of people believe that success is an event, so they schedule for it. They attend the seminar by one of those fabulous speakers and just know that after this, they will have both the secrets of success and have made connections with like-minded people who will help each other achieve success.

The most common form of event in companies is the ‘training event’. Apparently, the two-day workshop on strategic business leadership is going to equip you with all the knowledge, experience and determination to make your business the incredible success is deserves to be.

That ‘rah-rah’ motivational event might just be the tipping point of a decision to move on, but success is a process not an event.

I just need better connections…

This is the massively growing space for business people.

We’ve all heard the phrase, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. So we network for success. No longer is this the restrictive domain of the ‘old school tie’, the golf club or the masons. Networking is accessible to all – and the world becomes your oyster.

New technologies allow us to easily expand out network beyond any previous borders. I can network with people across the globe and in my local chapter – over breakfast, lunch, coffee, in a virtual world, in a chat room, a forum. And surely, if I connect with enough people, I’ll get to meet the ‘who you know’ that is going to make that difference.

The right relationships certainly help in achieving your ’success’ but connections alone neither improve life nor guarantee ’success’.

Remember Billy Carter? No?

No-one can network himself to success unless he has something to offer in the first place.

So I just need to be recognized…

As we network with more and more people to increase our visibility we want to be recognised by more and more people for our talents, our special ness, our difference. So we strive for success by being recognized.

For the great business people, it might be the cover of Time magazine. For the scientist or academic, maybe the Nobel prize. The writer for the Pulitzer. The movie star an Oscar. The musician, a Grammy.

Most people would settle for a lot less. Walking into a room full of people and being called by name to come over and ‘let me introduce you to…’ A client who recommends you to a friend. A collaborator who endorses you. A boss who thanks you.

A trusted leader, has a thick bankroll of crisp bills. Every time you act inconsistently with your professed values, or break a promise, you must spend some of those crisp bills – when the bankroll is gone, so is the trust that others have in you. At this point, your personal appeals or persuasive arguments cannot buy back that trust. Once lost, trust, and the personal credibility it took to gain it, may take years to regain.

Trust & Credibility

Trust is much more than credibility. Credibility is a necessary precursor to trust – before someone will place their trust in you, they have to believe in you. Trust is when a person places something of value to them into your care an stewardship because they believe that you will take good care and, usually, return to them something of greater value.

As a leader, the ’something’ may be as obviously important as life – a military leader for example. It may be time or skills or an idea for a business leader. Whatever the situation, we place our trust in the leader. In turn, the leader trust you to deliver on your promise. The relationship is established beforehand, the leader’s credibility has been established and the result of this ‘transaction’ may reinforce or destroy trust.

In networking, the same rules apply. You might offer to introduce someone to a business opportunity. As the initiator, you must trust the person to be capable or risk your personal credibility and the trust your opportunity has in you. The individual you are introducing will also trust that you will genuinely do as you say and that it is a legitimate opportunity. Trust is a two-way street.

Establishing Trust
1. Be honest and open
The top leadership attribute of most admired leaders in Kouzes and Posner’s comprehensive survey is honesty. This isn’t just about telling the truth, it is also ‘doing what you say you will do’. And, it’s worth noting that honesty does not always imply that the truth is to your own liking nor the action something with which you agree.

Some networkers though fall into the ‘marketing trap’ – embellishing aspects of their business or person to such a degree that their honesty could quickly become suspect. It’s all very well having a fabulous 30 second ‘elevator pitch’ designed to intrigue and excite others though if it is too far removed from honesty, you may soon be dealing out some of those crisp bills from your bankroll.

Trusted leaders are open and transparent – particularly ion this post-Enron world. The suspicion surrounding UK politicians currently has a lot less to do with their actual expense claims and a lot more to do with questions about why such claims should be so secretive. Openness also means being open to question. Your elevator pitch should (according to those far more expert in this) invite questions – your answers to those being a robust defense citing evidence that supports your pitch. Can you defend your elevator pitch?

2. Don’t hide bad news
Northern Rock, Lehman, Fannie and Freddie, HBOS and an increasing number of others have suffered a major fallout, in part because the leaders hid the bad news (or the potential for bad news), possibly even from themselves. As the bad news leaked out, savers who had entrusted their money queued to withdraw it immediately. To regain some trust, the UK Government had to spend rather more than a few crisp bills from its bankroll.

Advertising of financial or pharmaceutical products now carry a warning of the potential downside or side effects (albeit in tiny print or spoken at a rate few amphetamine addicts would understand). Should our elevator pitch contain such caveats? It would be honest.

3. Don’t over promise
Making promises you cannot keep? Why do politicians rate as the most untrustworthy of people? They promise the world and seldom deliver. What about ‘Relationship Bankers’ – the ones who were heavy on profit and quiet about real risk in selling Lehman min-bonds – still to be trusted?

It’s a trap that many parents fall into. Talking to their kids about the exciting places they’re going to go and the fun they are going to have. From pimples – “you’ll grow out of it” to exhortions to study – “you’ll be able to do whatever you like when you graduate with honours”.

Leaders are prone to over promise – it’s considered perhaps an embellishment, a slight exaggeration or, the catch-all, marketing.

4. Walking the talk
Doing what you say you will do is probably the most critical component of trust. If any of the three points above are in doubt, there is little chance that you will be able to walk the talk.

How many times have you been to a networking event that ends in warm handshakes and empty commitments? When you say that you will introduce a friend to a contact, do it. If you say that you’ll pass on their contact information, do that. If you say that you’ll turn their business around and they will make 2 grand a month with just 4 hours work a week… Diligent follow-through sets you apart from the crowd and communicates trust.

Your trust bankroll is being spent every-time you:

How to rebuild trust

Even the greatest leaders can suffer a loss of trust. This may be the result of error in judgment or a mistake. Or circumstances may conspire against the leader (a favourite of politicians and ex-Northern Rock senior management).

Networkers are also prone to losing trust – perhaps the result of adverse market conditions or the failure of a supplier or partner. A respected and trusted networker can lose years of building trusted relationships through introducing a connection who failed to deliver on their promise. So how do we rebuild damaged trust?

Acknowledge the mistakes
When decisions turn out unexpectedly, the leader owes his followers an explanation. Inflated egos can make a leader quick to assign blame or make excuses, but a mistake unacknowledged is compounded.

A straightforward acknowledgment of the mistake should be the front end and made voluntarily. One forced (because I got caught) does nothing to re-establish trust. “I forgot to call” may not be something a networker likes to admit, but it’s more honest than making up a convoluted story of deceit that tries to shift responsibility elsewhere.

Apologise
Admitting that you are fallible, that what you did was wrong, that you made a mistake is an important step to accepting responsibility. Knowing that you made an error is one thing, admitting it to others, though painful, allows you (and often them helping you) to put the incident behind you and take action to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Make amends
Find a way to make amends with people you have wronged. If you have harmed, make restitution. People often forget that undelivered promises frequently have cost the other party. If, for example, you agree to meet someone at 2pm, and turn up at 2.30 – you’ve just cost someone 30 minutes. Next time who will turn up and when?

You may not be required to do so, and it may be that circumstances conspired against you, and it may be that it really truly wasn’t your fault – but accepting ownership and taking responsibility goes a long way to thickening that bankroll of trust.

Trust is the bedrock of the bond between leader and follower, the bond that makes a network work. As a leader and as a networker, trust will make or break your success in any industry or circumstance.

Technical aptitude alone is insufficient

Jimmy Connors, winner of 109 professional singles tennis titles says “There’s a thin line between being #1 or #100 and mostly it’s mental.”

In his well-researched book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman shows that it’s our attitude more than our aptitude that determines our altitude. Whilst our society lauds intellectual giants and power, Goleman’s research concludes, “At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces.” Other EQ researchers, Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf consider this too conservative. In their book, Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations, they write, “- IQ may be related to as little as 4 percent of real-world success – over 90 percent may be related to other forms of intelligence – it is emotional intelligence, not IQ or raw brain power alone, that underpins many of the best decisions, the most dynamic and profitable organizations, and the most satisfying and successful lives. Malcolm Higgs and Vic Dulewicz set out to disprove this “faddish idea” relenting after their own research that actually, Emotional Intelligence is of far greater importance than IQ and something they term “management quotient”.

There’s a growing consensus in the academic and popular literature that our attitude and our mindset are more important than our technical capability that make a difference to our success. As Zig Ziglar puts it, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”

Difference makers have a better attitude

Consider all the things that Tiger could use as an excuse at the 2008 US Open:

• Hadn’t played in a competition for 2 months
• Recent knee operation – reduced fitness
• Further damaged knee on swing during the tournament
• Highly skilled and determined competitors
• Poor first round
• Pressure of historical wins
• Expectations very high on his performance
• Does not need the money

After blowing a three shot lead with 8 holes to play, Woods rallied and came to the 18th hole and stood over a birdie put to avoid an infamous defeat. He came through. Sudden death on the 7th saw an end to his fierce competition and Woods again took the trophy.

How many of us would find that sort of resilience within us?

Three steps to achieving your success

It’s all very well understanding and believing that our attitude is more important than our aptitude, but exactly what can we do about it? What makes the difference that you can develop?

There appears to be three major differences between those that achieve great success in their field, and those who remain in the obscurity of mediocrity.

• Successful people know what they want to achieve. They have a clearly defined goal.
• They are constantly seeking ways to learn and improve.
• They consistently present a positive attitude.

This isn’t intended to be an exhaustive and comprehensive list of must haves, but to highlight key difference makers that anyone is able to adopt.

Clear goal you are pulled toward

There’s plenty of discussion on setting goals for yourself and how important it is to have a clear vision, a picture of your future.

Rather than go through all of that now, I’d refer you back to a couple of other articles I’ve written on the subject. Here though, I’d like to explore three different modes of how you get to your goal:

Push mode, Pull mode and Drift mode:

Push Mode

If you have to drive others towards an objective, even drive yourself towards it, I call this being in push mode.

Push mode is typified by focusing your attention on problems that need to be resolved, or things that need fixing. Many people use a ‘todo’ list or a GTD (getting things done) system. Are you one of them? Take a look at yours now and see if it is a list of problems.

The fun, creative or enjoyable things rarely make it onto a ‘todo’ list – rather there is a tendency to say that once the list is done and I have time, then I’ll do the fun stuff.

What’s more, you will already know that the things we pay attention to are the things that grow and the things we don’t pay attention to tend to fade away. So if we focus on problems (call them challenges or issues if you must but they are still the same thing), we will find that the problems grow. So here’s a radical thought, if we focus our attention on interesting, exciting, fun things, they will grow. And our problems, won’t they fade away?

“But you don’t understand. I have to get this report done, I have a ton of emails to clear, I have to attend this meeting, I have calls to make to angry customers, and if I don’t I’ll get fired. I simply don’t have time to talk to people, take it easy, smell the flowers…”

And when your stress levels have made you so sick that you can’t work, let alone afford the hospital bills you’ll feel what exactly? Accomplished? Valued? Important?

Nothing more satisfying than lying in bed recovering from a heart attack knowing how much your contribution is missed.

I’m not saying that these things (some of them anyway) don’t need to be done but that by not focusing on them, they will (and do) fade away. Oftentimes, they just get done. Without stress, without worry.

In Push Mode, we are continuously pushing ourselves (and others) towards our goals relying on our own effort to keep us on our straight and planned track. Obstacles that we face in our way are enemies to progress which may force us to re- plan our route. Our motivation stems form outside forces, the concrete and measurable goal is frequently thought to be motivation enough and any resistance to achieving the goal, self-inflicted or external resistance, is just another obstacle.

In Push Mode, when progress is slow, we re-plan and consider time management a priority. Only, unless you have discovered the secret to warping the space-time continuum, you cannot actually manage time.

Pull Mode

Pull Mode,  on the other hand, is about leadership and paying attention to growth and improvement.

Rather than focusing attention on problems to be solved or fixed or overcome, in Pull Mode we take time to clearly envision our future and allow the goal to pull us towards it. The results of Push Mode and Pull Mode may appear to be the same (that is the achievement of the goal) but Pull Mode takes less effort and allows our unconscious activity to take precedence over conscious linear processing.

The idea of Pull Mode is that you create a vision of the future that is so compelling for you (and perhaps for others) that you cannot help but be drawn towards it. The things that you need to do on the way become minor irritants that simply get done and anything that really is not important is not done and fades into insignificance.

“Hold on, what if something that is important is not recognised as being important?” Excellent question. Things that appear to need to be done, whether important or not, on your journey are your friends – they are obstacles to your progress but think of them in terms of friends, or learning opportunities.

Let me take a personal example if I may. Two things about running a business that I personally do not enjoy: 1, Filing, 2. Doing the accounts. I appreciate that some people just adore filing and doing the accounts but I don’t. In Push Mode, I resist doing them until I absolutely have to or, usually, risk a penalty. It is the penalty that drives me to do it. I still hate doing it but I dislike paying a penalty more. In Pull Mode, these things still come across my path but now I see them as friends – the chance to look again at scraps of notes, letters or offers. I have learned to change my mindset from doing the filing to my enjoyment of a clear desk and in-tray and just do it. It’s no longer something I resist. Do I enjoy doing it? No, I don’t if I think about it consciously, I just let it happen.

“But what if it should be done and its not that critical or important?” The chances are, for me, that it won’t get done. Importantly, if I find myself resisting doing something, I stop, tune into my thought processing and ask myself why I am resisting it?

For example, keen observers may have noted that I didn’t talk about doing my accounts in Pull Mode above. You’d be right. It is something that I continued to resist – I can’t really explain what it is about doing the accounts that I just don’t want to do, and I found this quite strange considering that I do enjoy building spreadsheets of budgets and am quite au fait with P&L and Balance Sheet – and then it occurred to me that I like thinking through future scenarios, but what’s done is done. I honestly can’t be bothered about it. Now, of course, there’s legal compliance… and I realised further, I really don’t like to be told that I have to do something. So what did I learn from this resistance? I learned that I am quite happy considering the future and do not wish to have to create organisation of the past. Decision? Outsource to someone capable and trusted.

In Pull Mode, you only do the things that you want to do that move you towards your goal such that the work you are doing is effortless. Obstacles that need to be overcome that meet with your own resistance are a warning flag to you that something else is going on – stop and allow yourself to consider what the resistance is trying to tell you.

“Isn’t it possible then that you’ll go into Pull Mode, and miss the important things that need to be done?”

Sure it’s possible, but unlikely to be important in the achievement of the goal. Things that are a requirement in your society but have no direct relationship to the achievement of your goal. Yet there’s a third mode of being that is neither Push nor Pull, and that’s Drift Mode.

Drift Mode

The stresses of Push Mode, always making things happen and forever coming up against obstacles and ‘time-wasters’, causes many people to fall into Drift Mode rather than Pull Mode.

Drift Mode is quite different to Pull Mode, somewhat ‘New-Agey’ in influence where one just ‘lets things happen’. call it karma, fate, life forces, whatever – it generally involves emptying your mind of worries and anxieties and just letting life happen to you. Whatever way the wind blows, you drift along with it.

You might end up on an agreeable shore when you allow yourself to drift over the seas of life, or you might end up somewhere unpleasant, or. most probably, you’ll just continue drifting along.

Pull Mode is different because there is a clear and articulated vision of your compelling goal that is pulling you towards it. The aimlessness of Drift Mode may be refreshing for a while, but the anxieties of life will soon catch up and cause as much stress as Push Mode already does for the vast majority of people.

PushMePullYou

This mythical creature in Dr Doolittle provides a metaphor for how many leaders feel about leadership. They are in Push Mode for themselves, driving the agenda and encountering resistance of their ‘followers’ who have to be pulled, some suggest dragged kicking and screaming, in the chosen direction.

No wonder many leaders are exhausted. Many drive themselves to an early grave or opt-out entirely and fall into Drift Mode.

“How do I know which mode I’m in?”

Do you take pride in hard work? Do you brag about working more than 50 hours a week? Do you use ToDo lists? Do you think that in order for things to happen, that you have to make them happen?

If you answer yes to most or all, you’re in Push Mode.

Do you have a compelling vision of your future self? Find your work effortless? Know that everything that needs to be done will be done?

Sounds like Pull Mode.

Have a sort of idea what I want in the future? Take it easy whenever possible and avoid unpleasant tasks? If things happen they happen, if they don’t ‘they don’t?

Drift Mode.

“Surely it’s better for your health to be in Drift mode than Push Mode?” Sure, if you have a lot of savings or a rich family to fall back on. But if you have no goal in life, just what are you doing here?

What can I learn?

People who achieve great success are always learning. They seek ways to improve and are prepared to work through the difficulties of change required to become better.

Peter Senge in his book, The Learning Organization, expands in great detail about his idea for organizations to constantly seek improvement in everything. But what about learning at a personal level? What if you are currently at the top of your game? Surely you’ve already learned.

Our learning journey can go through a series of steps and the height of our performance is determined by our technical ability and our mindset, our aptitude and our attitude.

The journey is not always easy or straightforward. Let’s return to Tiger Woods…

Prepared to change

You’re at the top of your game, you’re doing better than anyone has ever done in your field. Technically, you are the best in your business. You earn more than anyone else in the same line of business. You have a serious competitive advantage. Why would you decide to change something fundamental about the way you do what you do?

After seven years and 142 tournaments in a row, Tiger Woods finally joined the ranks of mortal golfers when he missed the cut at the Byron Nelson Championship May 13, 2005. Golf pundits argue that changing his swing is to blame.

There was another reason, his knee. A physical problem that seems to not want to go away. But what makes Tiger stand out so much from the rest is not just his aptitude for the game, his superior technical skill… it’s his mindset. In spite of being in a great deal of pain… he overcame it with a determination, the will and resilience that allowed his technical brilliance to shine.

A Positive attitude

We all have days (sometimes weeks and months) where everything seems to be going wrong. Whatever you try to do, however clear your goal – there just doesn’t seem to be any progress.

Sports psychologists refer to the period when everything is going well and peak performance is apparent as being ‘in the zone’. Golfers who find their rhythm and the ball lands just so. The athlete who has trained and is at their physical and mental peak runs the race of their life. The business person who’s found themselves in the right place at the right time with the right product or service.

Yet most of the time, we just ain’t there. We yank the club and the ball lands in the bunker. Our business would be just great if we just land this additional sale.

Some days, it’s hard to wake up and find the energy to put on a brave face and go out there knowing that today probably isn’t that day, hoping that it is but not really believing it. We known we have to learn and improve but just when is my breakthrough going to come.

It may not come today, but one thing I can assure you of – something about today is better than yesterday.

What’s better today?

Being prepared to learn and change and put in the required effort is a critical step in constantly improving. But this carries the suggestion that we should focus on what is wrong, or what needs improving.

If we’re going to consider being in “pull-mode” towards our goals and ambitions, a much better question to ask is “what’s better today?”

When you meet someone, or write a message it is ‘normal’ to ask “how are you?” or “How do you do?” Now in doing so, do you really, truthfully want to know the answer?

“Well, I’ve had this terrible problem with my stomach and I didn’t sleep too well last night for all the stress I’m under and…”

How would you respond if instead I asked you “what’s better today?”

Would you reflect on improvements made? Would it cause you to think about some things have indeed moved forward?

Try it, I dare you! It makes it a whole heap easier to keep on going towards that goal.

Your Choice

People who have achieved great success know what they want to achieve and have a clear vision of their future.

They recognise that their technical ability, their aptitude is one (small) part that contributes to their achievement and constantly strive to improve.

Most importantly, they keep on keeping on, keep turning up and are prepared to learn and change whilst maintaining a positive attitude.

Even Tiger has a bad round of golf – nothing like as bad as most of us but bad for him. Do you see him quitting?

You were created to be an soar at altitude like an eagle not peck the dirt like a chicken.

People can change anything = I can change my golf swing/habits/putting/handicap
People are NOT their behaviours = I am myself, they are them-self – their behaviour means something else
The meaning of communication is the response you get = I can tell myself exactly what I DO want
There is no failure, only feedback = I enjoy making mistakes, it allows me to learn more
Respect the other person’s model of the world = I perceive that I hit perfect drives every time and that’s my reality

The greatest change you can rapidly bring about with these attitudes is to turn negative feelings into neutral or even positive feelings. In our workshops we run an exercise with these attitudes and it is one of the most powerful and emotive moments. The number of people I’ve worked with who after years and years of holding onto a false-belief as a result of an attitudinal problem find enormous relief, is staggering. With these attitudes, you can take a fresh look at all of life’s problems and issues. Everything that has seemed for so long to be insurmountable, can and is changed when you act as if these attitudes are true.

I hope by now that you’re realising that it’s you. They don’t have a problem, they don’t get it (oh. and by the way, that’s their problem!)

Communication is NOT telling. Communication often involves talking, but it is a two-way process – it requires listening and observing as well. You explain something in such a manner that the receiver is able to fully understand what it is that you are explaining.

Take, for example, your golf instructor. She explains how to improve your swing, demonstrates the process and guides you, often physically by straightening your elbow, pushing your hips, widening your stance and so on. You continue this and slowly, gradually, as she sees that you have ‘got it’, will tell and show, less and less. Now that is communication. How well you continue to improve your swing is the response you are giving to that communication. If you do not improve, then the communication is lacking.

All of us have our own preferred ways of communicating. Some people like to use pictures for example – we create pictures with words and with our hands and bodies. Others prefer something more concrete – we need to walk through the swing – feel it in our muscles. Others prefer sound, and are quite happy for you to speak to them only. Others like music in the background, or a beat to swing to. Some people like to know what is possible, others prefer to know what is necessary. Some people like to improve whilst others prefer to not be a bad player.

Each of us has a small armoury of ways in which we can communicate – and it is our job to use that armoury, or toolset if you prefer, to the best of our abilities. If the response you get is not the one that you wanted, then it is your job to effectively communicate. Notice that in English language, we are not ‘communicated at’.

We will look at communication in detail in the Outcome Based communication chapter. For the moment, if you act as if the statement “The meaning of communication is the response you get” is true – then you will move from being at effect, to being at cause – and now you can do something about it.

Let me show you another example, where our communication (or lack thereof) is interpreted and causes an unexpected response. It’s to do with something called ‘complex equivalence’ where X=Y.
He doesn’t buy me flowers anymore = He doesn’t love me anymore
The husband is completely at a loss – this is often silent communication as well. He hasn’t got a clue what he’s done wrong (see more complex equivalence going on ‘She’s not talking to me=I’ve done something wrong’ (Although this is probably experience coming to the fore.)

You’ll hear this quite frequently in suppositions about another person… “He doesn’t care if he wins or loses”, “Really, why’s that?” “Because he never loses his temper when he loses”. Therefore, Doesn’t lose temper=doesn’t care. Tommy rot! I care deeply if I lose, doesn’t mean that I have to lose my temper about it.

And, whilst we’re on the subject, Bending your club around a tree is not a demonstration of how much you care passionately about making mistakes, or missing shots – it simply shows a lack of control.

This attitude applies to self-talk as well. Remember earlier we discussed how  your unconscious self-talk in regard to your beliefs and vision will manifest in your actions? If you communicate to yourself to make sure that you do (not) hit the ball into the woods and the ball goes beautifully into the trees… it is no more, and no less than the response to your own internal communication. Why worry about communicating with others if we can’t communicate with ourselves to get what we want?

Sometime later, you bump into the young lad and get chatting. The lad, reluctantly at first, and then more fluently pours out his heart to you – how his parent (your friend) is so controlling, so old-school, such a … You are surprised, this can’t be the same person he’s talking about… you tell him this.

Who’s got the right perception? Your friend, the son, or you? That’s right. All of you! Three completely different perceptions of the same situation and… they’re all correct! For the people holding the perception.

Ask the police. 20 people are eye-witnesses to a car-accident. 20 statements are taken and there are 20 variations of exactly the same event.

Ah, I hear you say – yes well, different viewpoints… Exactly. It’s what we perceive that is our reality.

Back to our peer group. If you perceive that they do not accept you, do not connect with you. That is your reality. Can you change reality? Of course, just change your perception of it and reality changes. I’m not suggesting Ostrich-like behaviour and burying your head in the sand (works for the Ostrich – have you ever seen an Ostrich hit a bad drive?) I am suggesting that you can change your attitude by acting as if it were true, and thence change reality.