Archives for Motivation

What’s holding you back?


Top 10 Cognitive Distortions:

Which of these do you do? Check the areas below that you might like to discuss with your coach.

  • All or Nothing Thinking: Seeing things as black-or-white, right-or-wrong wiith nothing inbetween. Essentially, if I’m not perfect then I’m a failure.
    • I didn’t finish writing that paper so it was a complete waste of time.
    • There’s no point in playing if I’m not 100% in shape. Ÿ They didn’t show, they’re completely unreliable!
  • Overgeneralization: Using words like always, never in relation to a single event or experience.
    • I’ll never get that promotion Ÿ She always does that…
  •  Minimising or Magnifying (Also Catastrophizing):Seeing things as dramatically more or less important than they actually are. Often creating a “catastrophe” that follows.
    • Because my boss publicly thanked her she’ll get that promotion, not me (even though I had a great performance review and just won an industry award).
    • I forgot that email! That means my boss won’t trust me again, I won’t get that raise and my wife will leave me.
  • “Shoulds”: Using “should”, “need to”, “must”, “ought to” to motivate oneself, then feeling guilty when you don’t follow through (or anger and resentment when someone else doesn’t follow through).
    • I should have got the painting done this weekend.
    • They ought to have been more considerate of my feelings, they should know that would upset me.
  • Labelling: Attaching a negative label to yourself or others following a single event.
    • I didn’t stand up to my co-worker, I’m such a wimp! ŸWhat an idiot, he couldn’t even see that coming!
  • Jumping to Conclusions:

    1) Mind-Reading: Making negative assumptions about how people see you without evidence or factual support.Your friend is preoccupied and you don’t bother to find out why. You’re thinking:

  • She thinks I’m exaggerating again or Ÿ He still hasn’t forgiven me for telling Fred about his illness.

2) Fortune Telling: Making negative predictions about the future without evidence or factual support

  • won’t be able to sell my house and I’ll be stuck here (even though housing market is good).
  • No-one will understand.I won’t be invited back again (even though they are supportive friends).
  • Discounting the Positive: Not acknowledging the positive. Saying anyone could have done it or insisting that your positive actions, qualities or achievements don’t count…
    • That doesn’t countanyone could have done it.
    • I’ve only cut back from smoking 40 cigarettes a day to 10. It doesn’t count because I’ve not fully given up yet.
  • Blame & Personalization: Blaming yourself when you weren’t entirely responsible or blaming other people and denying your role in the situation
    • If only I was younger, I would have got the job
    • If only hadn’t said that, they wouldn’t have…
    • If only she hadn’t yelled at me, I wouldn’t have been angry and wouldn’t have had that car accident.
  • Emotional Reasoning: I feel, therefore I am. Assuming that a feeling is true – without digging deeper to see if this is accurate.
    • I feel such an idiot (it must be true). Ÿ I feel guilty (I must have done something wrong).
    • I feel really bad for yelling at my partner, I must be really selfish and inconsiderate.
  • Mental Filter: Allowing (dwelling on) one negative detail or fact to spoil our enjoyment, happiness, hope etc
    • You have a great evening and dinner at a restaurant with friends, but your chicken was undercooked and that spoiled the whole evening.

LeaderShift! – Bucket full of joy

Motivation LeaderShift –bucket-full of joy

Anyone can achieve mediocrity. After all, it’s hardly difficult to do so.

As Christmas approaches we hear familiar platitudes that ’tis the season to be happy. Does this mean that for the rest of the year I am meant to be miserable and depressed? Now Christmas is a wonderful time of year and I do find it extra joyful because for me it has real meaning. Yet there seems to be an increasing number of people who just do not appear to be motivated: They have, or at least show, no passion for what they are doing; there’s little joy in their heart and the driving force for doing anything is extrinsic.

Imagine that you have to collect water from a well several miles away from home. All you have to carry the water is one metal bucket. You walk to the well and join the queue to fill your bucket. Already tired from the long trek, you fill your bucket with fresh, clean and crystal clear water. Hauling the bucket out of the well you discover a hole in your bucket and your precious water is leaking out. Now you must run with the bucket to get it back home as quickly as possible, desperately trying to plug the hole with your hand, stemming but not stopping the flow.

Half way home, the water in your bucket is nearly gone and now you have a dilemma:

  1. Continue and possibly reach home with nothing but an empty bucket? It’s Ok your family will understand that it really isn’t your fault and they can last another hour or so without…
  2. Find a welder to fix the bucket and start again? Now where is the welder…?
  3. Return to the well and try again? If you run faster this time and hold the bucket just so…
  4. Ditch the bucket, find and buy a new one with money that you don’t have? Or pinch someone else’s…

Your internal motivation, the passion you have, your joy, is like the water in the bucket. You are the bucket.

As we progress through this life, there are ample opportunities to make holes in your bucket of joy. It’s so easy to hold a grudge, resent someone (anyone!), and blame others for your holes. Practice this well and you too can qualify for being the person everyone else wishes to avoid for fear of being contaminated by the rust of your soul.

Too harsh? Maybe… check yourself on the “Bucket of Joy” checklist:

Choose the left hand statement OR the right hand (there is no in-between).

ü

ü

 

It’s my boss/ spouse/ kids/ company/ Government/ society/someone else well it’s their fault.

It’s my responsibility.

 
 

Feel obligated to do tasks / go to work.

Love my work.

 
 

Tolerate the excessive requirements my company expects of me.

Seek and appreciate opportunities.

 
 

Endure through the days.

Make the best of every day.

 
 

People feel uncomfortable around me.

I inspire others.

 
 

Resentful.

Grateful.

 
 

Do what I have to do.

Go the extra mile.

 
 

Bored.

Alive.

 
 

Total

 

Add up the right hand choices and subtract the total of left hand choices.

  • Score 8 – You’ve already passed this LeaderShift on to someone you know needs it
  • Score 4 or 6 – (You chose option 2 or 3 above?) Pretty decent; plug the holes you already know are there.
  • Score 0 or 2 – (option 4 above?) Time to seriously consider what you want to achieve in life and get passionate about it.
  • Score -2 or -4 – (You also chose option 1 above?) Any friend left? Go talk to them and ask for help.
  • Score – 6 or -8 – (Option 5? Yeah, I know it wasn’t there but you did say “give up”? Seek help, and I mean now!

Leadershift!

Plug the holes in your bucket

Everyone blames someone for their lack of success or achievement. Even when you blame yourself. The reason (aka excuse) usually starts with “if only…”

“If only my parents had____________________” (fill in the blank)

“If only my boss would ____________________”

“If only I had ____________________________”

  • Whatever you filled in for whoever… it’s gone, you didn’t, they didn’t, and she won’t! Learn from the experience and choose to accept. Forgive them (or yourself) and let go of the past.
  • Now choose to overcome the setback/disadvantage.
  • Anything that you chose on the left side – what does it take for you to get over on the right side?

In my coaching and training the most common response to the question “What do you want to be?” is “Happy”!

“What do you want for your kids?” – “For them to be happy!”

  • Is that you? OK then, do it! Be happy! You can choose to be happy. Go on put a smile on your face and say (out loud) “I’m happy!” Think happy, choose happy, be happy.

“But you don’t understand John…” I’m sorry. You lost all control of your brain. You mean someone else is responsible for your thinking?

  • Go to the well. Fill your bucket with joy, plug the holes you can now and run like the wind. Oh, and the welder… give me a call and I’ll tell you where you can find Him.

Joy to the world! Merry Christmas and a Blessed 2011.

LeaderShift – Delegate the fun stuff

Delegate the fun stuff!

Many of you will have already read an article of mine called “Loosen Your Grip to Stay in Control!” Well, one of the areas that many of my coaching clients struggle with is effective delegation. So, this LeaderShift!, I’m going to get you to delegate. And to delegate something that you like to do yourself!

“But John, I don’t have anyone that I can delegate to!” Nonsense! You do, they might not be your staff, it could be your friends, colleagues, boss (yes your boss), spouse, kids…

  • Are you overburdened?
  • Do you have any problems with giving other people control over something?
  • Do you ever find that others were expecting something different even after you clearly communicated?
  • Is time your friend?

6 Steps to Delegation

Delegate [del-i-geyt]: to send or appoint (a person) as deputy or representative; to commit (powers, functions, etc.) to another as agent or deputy.

There’s a simple six step process to follow to delegate to someone successfully. You need to:

  1. Establish exactly what to delegate to whom
  2. Clarify the specific outcomes you want
  3. Clearly define responsibilities
  4. Communicate the scope and authority
  5. Establish a time frame
  6. Monitor progress

You know this right? Your challenge this LeaderShift! goes beyond this.

Leadershift!

Delegate something you really like doing!

  1. What’s the favourite part of your job?
  2. Delegate it!

Something that you personally enjoy. Perhaps it’s meeting a favourite client. Making that presentation. Cooking your best recipe. Taking the applause. Speaking to the team. Sitting in your office… Delegate it!

It’s easy to delegate (usually abdicate) stuff we don’t like doing. But to be the great leader I know that you are, you will give your best away to develop others. You will lose control… and once lost, you will find that you actually have more. Let me know how you get on.

John

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Motivation direction

Motivation Direction

Many successful golf players (and business leaders) are motivated by their own dissatisfaction with their performance. It can be a very powerful motivator. You would expect someone who is thus motivated to improve their game to be similarly motivated in other aspects of their life.

Do you see a golf course as a series of obstacles to be avoided, or do you see the fairways and greens as the thing to hit. There are a few people who actually aim for the obstacles because they excel at the tricky shots – most, however, find themselves in the obstacles due to misfortune… or were they actually responsible?


For most people, the self-directed anger resulting from dissatisfaction is not a positive state to be in. If you condemn yourself for playing poorly and use self-talk phrase such as “I should have…”, or yelling (at yourself or outwardly) your self-disgust such as “useless idiot” and perhaps more colourful phrasing – you are doomed to repeat it. Not only will you repeat the ‘error’, you are physically hurting yourself – self-condemnation causes self-directed anger causes stress causes physical distress causes physical sickness and, for many, heart failure. It’s a little as if your heart decides that’s it’s had enough of your inward abuse and is desperately trying to communicate your need to stop doing it. If you’ve had a heart attack or stroke you’ve probably completely reassessed how you live your life – and sought more tranquility, less stressful behaviours – in some cases avoiding the major contributors to your previously high stress levels – work and/or golf.

Some people don’t realise that this is what they are like. The way you drive your car is often a good indicator of your style. How angry do you get when someone cuts in to the queue in front of you? When you pull up to the red traffic light, do you swerve over to the other lane to be at the front of the queue? When motoring along are you more concerned about getting somewhere quickly, or more concerned with the traffic around you?

Back to golf. When you stand at the tee, what do you focus your attention on? Your target? Avoiding the trees/bunkers/water/rough? I hope the former by now if you’ve been with me all this time. What you focus on is what you’ll get.

Motivation is a multi-faceted phenomenon. In large part, motivation is about the satisfaction of values held. It is the result of using particular personal resources towards a specific goal that satisfies a value or value held by that individual. Connecting any of these three in any order, resources, values and outcome creates the feeling of motivation. In smaller part, though often the critical component, is encouragement to achieve a goal.

It is worth spending some time here on what we mean by encouragement. The word has ‘courage’ at it’s root. Thus, to encourage is to develop, enhance or build courage. Courage, you’ll remember, is not the absence of fear but the continuation to do something of which you are fearful. It follows therefore, that if we ‘encourage’ ourselves – we are building the strength to overcome our fears and commit to an action. Encouragement itself, is often mistaken for motivation – or exchanged for it. In order to get someone to accomplish something – they will need to be motivated and/or encouraged to do so. it is possible to get someone – or even yourself – to do something which does not satisfy a value – but such actions are not repeated if no personal value is realised.

For example, many beginner golfers give up playing after being encouraged (usually by a relative or close friend) to take up the game. They continue to ‘try’ to play until they find that they do not realise something of value for themselves. Yes, there are people who don’t like or enjoy golf. Shocking but true. Encouragement is good, but it is not a substitute for genuine motivation.

There are some fundamental needs that we as human beings find motivational. There’s plenty of books and papers on the subject for the interested individual and I don’t intend to argue every combination here. However, there are some generally accepted ‘big’ motivators that the academics agree on – even if they want to put different labels to each term and put them in a different order.

Motivation – Article in the latest Aerospace Singapore Magazine

Motivation Aerosapce SIngapore Vol 3 No 4 2010_0001

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