Tag Archives: Attitude

Values LeaderShift 3 – Believe in someone else today!

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This is a story of two leaders. We worked with the organisation on team leadership because one of their sales teams was "highly successful" and another was "doing poorly, with a very low morale". The organisation wanted us to "find out what’s working in [the high-performing team],fix the [low-performing team] and run a training program for all the other sales teams to be as good as [the high-performing team]."

· Ann, the leader of the high-performing team had joined the company 5 years previously as a sales representative. She was good at her job and always exceeded her targets. She was promoted to team leader after 3 years and had infused her own enthusiasm, determination and will to her team. Her team members were happy, hard-working and also successful, most exceeding targets.

· Joe, the leader of the low-performing team had similarly joined the company 5 years previously, though as sales team leader. Joe’s team were, by contrast, unhappy and unsuccessful in achieving targets. This had been the case for all 5 years. The team members had changed frequently over this time, only one member remained from the original team that Joe took over.

Ann was enthusiastic when we spoke with her about her success. Saying "It’s great to have such a wonderful team.I enjoy working with them and we’re doing well." She went on, "My boss is great, really believes in me and lets me run things the way I want. I like that, and I try to treat everyone in the team the same way. When they are down about something, maybe their kid is in trouble or sick, I let them take time out if they need to, so long as the work gets done sometime, it doesn’t have to be 9 to 5. I trust them to make up the time, and they do, and more!"

Joe was belligerent when we spoke, "I have tried everything possible to make these people work harder and make target. They’re always moaning that their kid’s sick or they have to visit the doctor. Always skiving off, taking toilet breaks, going for coffee. If I turn my back for one instant, they’re gone." When prompted, Joe continues, "My boss is pretty useless. Only ever comes round at the end of the month to [tell me off] for not making target. To be honest, I’m fed up, I don’t ‘think I’ll ever get this team to perform and the stress is making me sick."

There are of course, several things here we could expand on, but what was clearly apparent was that Ann’s boss believed in her and she in turn believed in her team and their abilities, that she could trust them and that they would deliver. Joe’s boss, didn’t appear to be that concerned for Joe and didn’t help. Joe in turn, trusted staff to ‘skive’ and believed that she would never get the team to perform.

When someone else, particularly someone in authority over you (a leader, parent, boss, teacher) believes in you and your abilities it helps you to believe in yourself and your team. What you believe on the inside, becomes manifest on the outside. This is usually the attitude that you portray and the way you communicate.

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Leadershift!

Tell someone that you believe in them!

If, by some chance you are wishing that your parents, teachers, boss etc showed their belief in you… or even vaguely tempted to go "if only…" Go forth right now, find someone that you care about and say the following:

"I believe in you. You can achieve anything you want to achieve."

Values LeaderShift 1 – What’s your story?

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Values LeaderShift 1 – What’s your story?

Great leaders are individuals who have successfully developed (or taken over) a story that appeals to the values of their followers.

A leader needs to know and understand his or her own values and the values of their followers.

You do not necessarily need to know the detail of their values, but some real knowledge will greatly help you weave the story that will work best.

Abraham Lincoln is credited with saying “You can please some of the people all of the time, or all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
And that is probably the issue that many leaders face. Each individual in your team, your organization, your community, even your family – has their own set of personally held values and their own hierarchy of those values.

Let’s consider a fairly typical situation, one that I have heard in slight variations many, many times from leaders I have worked with:

“In my team I have 8 direct reports, one person is a real star performer – always hard working, always achieves the goals and targets. One person  is always calling in sick, looks miserable all  day, just about makes the target, one is a real  low performer and  complains about too much work. The rest, are OK. I’ve tried everything but what can I do about these two low performers?”

This informs us several values of the leader.

  • That performance or is important for them.
  • That to be seen to do hard-work is important.
  • That they are not keen on people who look miserable and complain.
  • That they value doing something about the situation and are willing to learn.

Whilst you would benefit from more information to be more certain, the leader’s values might map thus:

Leader’s words

Core Values
Performance

Achievement
Hard-work

Achievement
Not complaining/miserable

Hedonism
Desire to help others

Benevolence
Willing to learn personally

Self-direction

For the two “low-performers” – whatever their personal values, it is likely that their own hierarchy of values does not include ‘Achievement’ at such a high level. It may be that ‘Self- direction’ is low also.

In such situations, the responses I have heard in one-to-one coaching sessions form ‘low-performing’ staff is myriad but most show a core theme when asked about their performance at work.

  • Most frequently: “I don’t see/understand why this is so important.” And that’s right; they do not see it or understand it. The leader may not be communicating the value of performance to them.
  • Often: “I try to do the job but I don’t ‘have the right support/tools/resources.” This may or may not be accurate and it is the leader’s role (as manager) to ensure that the right resources are available and how to get them and use them.
  • Too often: “There’s nothing wrong with my performance, it’s the market/ environment/ economy/ etc.”  Shifting blame to something outside of one’s personal control is possibly a favourite ‘excuse’ and in my experience and with further probing, this usually relates to either a security value (if I blame someone else, I’ll remain secure), or a hedonistic value (I don’t gain enjoyment from this, or I dislike doing this, and I feel better if I blame someone else for my failure to achieve).

At this point I want to stress that understanding your own values and those of others is NOT about judging the merits of those values. One individual’s values are not better than another person’s values – they may be more aligned with your own and thus you would consider them to be ‘better’, but they have worked well so far for that individual. Once we begin to know and understand another person’s value we can weave our story to appeal to them.

Leadershift!

Make your “story” compelling

  • First. What is truly important for you? (work, career and life)
    • Write this down.
  • Second. What is important for your people, customers, suppliers, shareholders?
    • Ask them! And write it down.
  • Third line up the lists. Look for the matches and the mismatches.
  • Now write your “story” that is compelling to your audience. Communicate your “story” again and again and again and again and again… and yes you are saying the same thing over and over and over again. Live it, love it, tell it.
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Improve Your Attitude – Make a Difference today #7 – Try On A New Attitude Today!

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try something new todayThese five attitudes form the basis of an effective and prosperous life. You do not have to believe them to be true – you just have to ACT as if they are true. You will gain enormous and wonderful new perspective on your golf game, your leadership at work, at home, at school, at college, at life.

  1. People can change anything = I can change my golf swing/habits/putting/handicap
  2. People are NOT their behaviours = I am myself, they are them-self – their behaviour means something else
  3. The meaning of communication is the response you get = I can tell myself exactly what I DO want
  4. There is no failure, only feedback = I enjoy making mistakes, it allows me to learn more
  5. Respect the other person’s model of the world = I perceive that I hit perfect drives every time and that’s my reality

The greatest change you can rapidly bring about with these attitudes is to turn negative feelings into neutral or even positive feelings. In our workshops we run an exercise with these attitudes and it is one of the most powerful and emotive moments. The number of people I’ve worked with who after years and years of holding onto a false-belief as a result of an attitudinal problem find enormous relief, is staggering. With these attitudes, you can take a fresh look at all of life’s problems and issues. Everything that has seemed for so long to be insurmountable, can and is changed when you act as if these attitudes are true.

Improve Your Attitude – Make a Difference today #6 – The Meaning of Communication is the Response You Get!

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you just don;t get itYou know those times, when you tell someone something and they don’t get it? So you tell them again. and sometime again. And they still don’t get it. Who has the problem? You or them?

I hope by now that you’re realising that it’s you. They don’t have a problem, they don’t get it (oh. and by the way, that’s their problem!)

Communication is NOT telling. Communication often involves talking, but it is a two-way process – it requires listening and observing as well. You explain something in such a manner that the receiver is able to fully understand what it is that you are explaining.

Take, for example, your golf instructor. She explains how to improve your swing, demonstrates the process and guides you, often physically by straightening your elbow, pushing your hips, widening your stance and so on. You continue this and slowly, gradually, as she sees that you have ‘got it’, will tell and show, less and less. Now that is communication. How well you continue to improve your swing is the response you are giving to that communication. If you do not improve, then the communication is lacking.

All of us have our own preferred ways of communicating. Some people like to use pictures for example – we create pictures with words and with our hands and bodies. Others prefer something more concrete – we need to walk through the swing – feel it in our muscles. Others prefer sound, and are quite happy for you to speak to them only. Others like music in the background, or a beat to swing to. Some people like to know what is possible, others prefer to know what is necessary. Some people like to improve whilst others prefer to not be a bad player.

Each of us has a small armoury of ways in which we can communicate – and it is our job to use that armoury, or toolset if you prefer, to the best of our abilities. If the response you get is not the one that you wanted, then it is your job to effectively communicate. Notice that in English language, we are not ‘communicated at’.

We will look at communication in detail in the Outcome Based communication chapter. For the moment, if you act as if the statement “The meaning of communication is the response you get” is true – then you will move from being at effect, to being at cause – and now you can do something about it.

Let me show you another example, where our communication (or lack thereof) is interpreted and causes an unexpected response. It’s to do with something called ‘complex equivalence’ where X=Y.
He doesn’t buy me flowers anymore = He doesn’t love me anymore
The husband is completely at a loss – this is often silent communication as well. He hasn’t got a clue what he’s done wrong (see more complex equivalence going on ‘She’s not talking to me=I’ve done something wrong’ (Although this is probably experience coming to the fore.)

You’ll hear this quite frequently in suppositions about another person… “He doesn’t care if he wins or loses”, “Really, why’s that?” “Because he never loses his temper when he loses”. Therefore, Doesn’t lose temper=doesn’t care. Tommy rot! I care deeply if I lose, doesn’t mean that I have to lose my temper about it.

And, whilst we’re on the subject, Bending your club around a tree is not a demonstration of how much you care passionately about making mistakes, or missing shots – it simply shows a lack of control.

This attitude applies to self-talk as well. Remember earlier we discussed how  your unconscious self-talk in regard to your beliefs and vision will manifest in your actions? If you communicate to yourself to make sure that you do (not) hit the ball into the woods and the ball goes beautifully into the trees… it is no more, and no less than the response to your own internal communication. Why worry about communicating with others if we can’t communicate with ourselves to get what we want?

Improve Your Attitude – Make a Difference today #5 – Respect the Other Person's Map of the World!

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square earthLets move this away from you for a moment as I know this is difficult for the virgin. Let’s say for the moment that your close friend has a ‘wayward’ son. A teenager dressed in grubby jeans, a haircut that suggests an alien stylist, colours that jar the eyes running with the local mob of ne’er do wells. Your friend laments to you that they are at their wits end and don’t know how to ‘get the boy back on the right track’. You like the lad, and tell your friend that you’ll ‘have a word’ and see if you can help in anyway.

Sometime later, you bump into the young lad and get chatting. The lad, reluctantly at first, and then more fluently pours out his heart to you – how his parent (your friend) is so controlling, so old-school, such a … You are surprised, this can’t be the same person he’s talking about… you tell him this.

Who’s got the right perception? Your friend, the son, or you? That’s right. All of you! Three completely different perceptions of the same situation and… they’re all correct! For the people holding the perception.

Ask the police. 20 people are eye-witnesses to a car-accident. 20 statements are taken and there are 20 variations of exactly the same event.

Ah, I hear you say – yes well, different viewpoints… Exactly. It’s what we perceive that is our reality.

Back to our peer group. If you perceive that they do not accept you, do not connect with you. That is your reality. Can you change reality? Of course, just change your perception of it and reality changes. I’m not suggesting Ostrich-like behaviour and burying your head in the sand (works for the Ostrich – have you ever seen an Ostrich hit a bad drive?) I am suggesting that you can change your attitude by acting as if it were true, and thence change reality.