Diligence and understanding – the means of success

Imagine being 10 times richer than Bill Gates and Warren Buffet combined! Not possible? But it is!

There’s plenty of books on Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, to discover how they made their fortunes. All you have to do is create the next critical component of everyone’s lives, or invest in absolutely the right thing at exactly the right time. The track records and phenomenal success of these businessmen are inspiring, yet how can we apply this to our own lives? Yet, there’s another whose wealth utterly dwarfs that of today’s richest people, if the accounts of his wealth are accurate. King Solomon’s wealth would today top 1 trillion dollars!

King Solomon’s secret? At the age of 12, he ascended the thrown of Israel when, according to the Old Testament, God appeared to him and offered to grant him one desire. Solomon did not ask for riches and honour, he asked for wisdom. Concerned that he was young and inexperienced, Solomon asked God for something that would help him rule effectively and judiciously lead the people. Because Solomon asked for wisdom (or a ‘Hearing Heart) and did not ask for riches and honour, God blessed him with wealth also.

Solomon was bestowed with riches and honour far greater than any king before or after him. His sage advice was sought by rulers of nations. His success and wealth increased beyond even your vivid imagination. His gold reserves are the subject of legend, his palace immense. He wrote the book of Proverbs in the Bible which not only survives but his writing on being diligent and understanding have influenced the world for 3 thousand years.

So what can we learn from Solomon about diligence and understanding?
He who cultivates his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless people and pursuits will have poverty enough. (Proverbs 28:19 – Amplified)
Surf around the Internet and you soon find people guaranteeing you instant riches with little or no work. Follow such get-rich-quick schemes and you show your naivety and ignorance. Solomon cautions against following worthless people as leading to poverty – those who work hard will reap the rewards of their efforts.

The appetite of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the appetite of the diligent is abundantly supplied. (Proverbs 13:4 – Amplified)
Those whose desire is high yet their diligence to work is slight remain unfulfilled. Having a great dream is one thing, now to put in the effort required to achieve it.

The hand of the diligent will rule, but the slothful will be put to forced labor. (Proverbs 12:24 – Amplified)
Lazy or slothful people have their time and effort dictated by others. Most commonly these days, the banks or some mother financial institution become the rulers of the lives of those lazy with their finances. Instead of choosing how to enjoy our disposable income, we are forced to sue it to repay debts from living beyond ourselves earlier.

But I’ve worked hard, very hard! I put in more hours than anyone else. I just haven’t had the breaks I need. It’s not my lack of diligence, it’s the economy, the government, the system, the market, the competition… (choose one or many). Yes, but what is it all for?

Define your dream
Where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18 – KJV).
Without a vision or a dream, we are directionless. We lose motivation to do much at all, we’re not committed to anything. Our energy is sapped and our joy disappears. But bring your dream forward into a clear vision and the opposite is true. You’ll find the spark that ignites the fuel to send you rocketing towards your dream.

Wake up and smell the coffee.
How long will you sleep, O sluggard? When will you arise out of your sleep?… poverty come like a robber or one who travels [with slowly but surely approaching steps] and your want like an armed man [making you helpless] (Proverbs 9,11 – Amplified).
Procrastination and excuses are real enemies that cause ineffective hours that lead to inactive days, unproductive weeks, meaningless months and wasted years. Pointless activities that yield no fruit and a life of regret and unfulfilled dreams.

What I need is time management! Time is relative, but it simply isn’t within your powers to manage it. Get off the sofa and give your dream a chance.

Partner with others
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgement (Proverbs 18:1 – NKJV)
A wise leader develops a team of talented people around them and a network of friends and partners who support so that they become rich in social capital. When we isolate ourselves, we cut off that all important support. Have you ever met a wealthy, successful and fulfilled person who was completely isolated and did it entirely alone? I didn’t think so.

Solomon was the richest man who ever lived, yet his true wealth was in his godly wisdom. We can all learn from this – and whilst we may not like the advice, you know that living a life of purpose and godly diligence will satisfy.

5 levels of self-influence

Something that I believe is a much worse situation, is that many people neglect to develop and improve their influence of themselves. Odd? I don’t need to influence myself. If I tell myself to do something, I simply do it. Exactly, that’s why so few people consider the importance of this. We work on the simple assumption that we don’t need to influence ourselves. Maybe not, but building the habits of higher levels of influence with others starts with ourselves. Let’s discuss these five levels in respect to self-influence.

Level 1 – Position. Are you in a superior position – i.e. a position of authority of yourself? Do you have power over yourself?

For example, you know that in order to improve your golf game, you need to do some good stretching exercises. Others have told you this, your instructor, magazines, peers and so on. Do you do it? Some of you do – well done. Most of you don’t.

You also have a busy life, what with work, family, kids, social activities, friends and so on. In order for you to ensure that you practice your golf suitably and regularly to improve, you have organised your priorities such that you always practice when you plan to? Yes, I hear you, family and unexpected events do crop up don’t they. Hmmm, influence? Over others and self?

Basically, most people do not have positional power over them self. A few will exercise this and may be referred to as having an ‘iron will’, be ‘determined’, or be ‘uncompromising’. For others, if you find that you need others to push you along every time, you might like to change this situation.

Okay then, Level 2 – Permission – based on relationships. Do you have a good relationship with yourself? Do you. honestly now, like yourself? Do you enjoy and appreciate the relationship that you have with yourself?
Some of you do, and that’s excellent, again, most do not – at least if they are honest with themselves.

Weird, namby pamby, soft clap trap. Oh that it were. The psychiatrists chairs are filled with people whose relationship with self has irreparably broken down. Unfortunately this isn’t just psychological bull – it’s a genuine problem. And basically, if you don’t like yourself, you won’t follow your requests.

Ever find yourself struggling to take your own, perfectly good advice? You know it’s the right or the best thing to do, but simply are not being influenced by someone that you actually like.

Perhaps you skipped the first two levels (or think you did, because we actually go tup the levels as we mature – still, the first two could have been climbed in childhood).

Level 3 – Production. You accept the influence of you having made good performance enhancing decisions in the past.

This is where you practice well, and properly because your experience has been to win competitions, beat your peers (whatever you have as results) – you have achieved the results you set out to achieve. Now you ‘believe’ yourself when you request yourself to continue the process. A good level of influence to be – there’s still a spot higher we could use, but so long as you constantly present yourself with appropriate results, this will suffice.

Better still, is to reach level 4 influence – People development – where you influence yourself because you have developed yourself effectively before and it has done you good. These individuals are true self-starters. Often they learn for the pure love of learning – they don’t need external impetus as a necessary ‘reason’. They respect their personal development, they make time for themselves, they indulge in everything that they want to indulge in and know, always, that every opportunity to learn is a learning experience.

Will you reach level 5 – person-hood? Do you, indeed can you, respect yourself. Now, I have worked with many people to work on this – and they successfully achieve it. The people at this level with themselves you meet who are very ‘centred’ – strong in their values or live a ‘principled’ life. Nothing seems to ruffle them, overly worry them – and, incidentally, they treat everyone around them with respect as well… they are at, or near this level with themselves.

Now, there are going to be some people out there reading this, or hearing this and thinking that it’s a load of crock. Of course, you are entitled to your opinion and I am always happy to debate the concept in the furtherance of people being able to get the best out of themselves. Meantime, I just ask –  do you talk to yourself? Do you ever have a debate going on – it doesn’t mean you have to speak out loud – self-talk can be entirely internal. You do? Who then, are you talking to?

Weighing up the pro’s and con’s – presenting yourself with a balanced argument… perhaps you want to buy a new set of clubs. Now, this is not a decision to be taken lightly. New clubs, can cost a small fortune – indeed a large fortune too. As you go through the internal debate, you are influencing yourself one way or the other.

Let’s work on a hypothetical situation. You have been playing golf for some time. You’re instructor has recommended that you buy new clubs to fit your body – your current set inherited from your father who was 6 inches shorter than you. You have no major crisis in your family requiring your savings immediately and you are in a suitably secure financial situation – but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s a new set of clubs or, a longer summer holiday. You love to play golf and want the new clubs to assist your  length and, let’s face it, the old clubs have a few deep scratches and maybe the alignment is off…

5 Levels of Influence

There are, according to John C. Maxwell, five levels of influence – each with their own rights and each with their power to influence.

Level 1 – Position – This is when you have the positional authority (aka power) over someone else and they have to follow because of the power relationship. The most familiar situation when this is displayed is between children and their parent – in the never ending cycle of “why do I have to?” the exasperated parent running short of arguments or more frequently, time, responds “because I said so!” never an effective nor motivational response, but it sums up how leaders finally resort to this positional power to cause someone else to have to do something.

Level 2 – Permission – based on relationships – where people follow because they want to as they have a good relationship with you

Level 3 – Production – based on results that you have demonstrably achieved for the organisation. People follow because of what you have done for the organisation

Levels 4 – People Development – based on reproduction – people follow because of what you have done for them personally. This is the top level for most people and is only achieved with those you have personally developed – though your reputation for enabling others to excel will allow a superior level 3 (results)

Level 5 – Person-hood – based on respect – sadly very very few people will ever achieve this. Though its the level that many aspire to have or rather believe in themselves that others should simply respect them (usually these are disenfranchised level 1 leaders who demand ‘respect’ from authority rather than earn the genuine respect and admiration of others through their actions and continual display of care and concern for others, the organisation and standing up for forthright and important values.

Your ability to influence others is often misunderstood at best, and reliant on ‘luck’ at worst. Few leaders in the world understand their position of influence with each of their constituents and fewer still, work a deliberate plan to increase their influential effectiveness with others.

Five Attitudes – Summary

These five attitudes form the basis of an effective and prosperous life. You do not have to believe them to be true – you just have to ACT as if they are true. You will gain enormous and wonderful new perspective on your golf game, your leadership at work, at home, at school, at college, at life.

People can change anything = I can change my golf swing/habits/putting/handicap
People are NOT their behaviours = I am myself, they are them-self – their behaviour means something else
The meaning of communication is the response you get = I can tell myself exactly what I DO want
There is no failure, only feedback = I enjoy making mistakes, it allows me to learn more
Respect the other person’s model of the world = I perceive that I hit perfect drives every time and that’s my reality

The greatest change you can rapidly bring about with these attitudes is to turn negative feelings into neutral or even positive feelings. In our workshops we run an exercise with these attitudes and it is one of the most powerful and emotive moments. The number of people I’ve worked with who after years and years of holding onto a false-belief as a result of an attitudinal problem find enormous relief, is staggering. With these attitudes, you can take a fresh look at all of life’s problems and issues. Everything that has seemed for so long to be insurmountable, can and is changed when you act as if these attitudes are true.

Attitude 5 – The meaning of communication is the response you get

You know those times, when you tell someone something and they don’t get it? So you tell them again. and sometime again. And they still don’t get it. Who has the problem? You or them?

I hope by now that you’re realising that it’s you. They don’t have a problem, they don’t get it (oh. and by the way, that’s their problem!)

Communication is NOT telling. Communication often involves talking, but it is a two-way process – it requires listening and observing as well. You explain something in such a manner that the receiver is able to fully understand what it is that you are explaining.

Take, for example, your golf instructor. She explains how to improve your swing, demonstrates the process and guides you, often physically by straightening your elbow, pushing your hips, widening your stance and so on. You continue this and slowly, gradually, as she sees that you have ‘got it’, will tell and show, less and less. Now that is communication. How well you continue to improve your swing is the response you are giving to that communication. If you do not improve, then the communication is lacking.

All of us have our own preferred ways of communicating. Some people like to use pictures for example – we create pictures with words and with our hands and bodies. Others prefer something more concrete – we need to walk through the swing – feel it in our muscles. Others prefer sound, and are quite happy for you to speak to them only. Others like music in the background, or a beat to swing to. Some people like to know what is possible, others prefer to know what is necessary. Some people like to improve whilst others prefer to not be a bad player.

Each of us has a small armoury of ways in which we can communicate – and it is our job to use that armoury, or toolset if you prefer, to the best of our abilities. If the response you get is not the one that you wanted, then it is your job to effectively communicate. Notice that in English language, we are not ‘communicated at’.

We will look at communication in detail in the Outcome Based communication chapter. For the moment, if you act as if the statement “The meaning of communication is the response you get” is true – then you will move from being at effect, to being at cause – and now you can do something about it.

Let me show you another example, where our communication (or lack thereof) is interpreted and causes an unexpected response. It’s to do with something called ‘complex equivalence’ where X=Y.
He doesn’t buy me flowers anymore = He doesn’t love me anymore
The husband is completely at a loss – this is often silent communication as well. He hasn’t got a clue what he’s done wrong (see more complex equivalence going on ‘She’s not talking to me=I’ve done something wrong’ (Although this is probably experience coming to the fore.)

You’ll hear this quite frequently in suppositions about another person… “He doesn’t care if he wins or loses”, “Really, why’s that?” “Because he never loses his temper when he loses”. Therefore, Doesn’t lose temper=doesn’t care. Tommy rot! I care deeply if I lose, doesn’t mean that I have to lose my temper about it.

And, whilst we’re on the subject, Bending your club around a tree is not a demonstration of how much you care passionately about making mistakes, or missing shots – it simply shows a lack of control.

This attitude applies to self-talk as well. Remember earlier we discussed how  your unconscious self-talk in regard to your beliefs and vision will manifest in your actions? If you communicate to yourself to make sure that you do (not) hit the ball into the woods and the ball goes beautifully into the trees… it is no more, and no less than the response to your own internal communication. Why worry about communicating with others if we can’t communicate with ourselves to get what we want?