You can’t quite place it exactly, but there is something wrong between the words and something else.
Have you ever heard the adage that communication is only 7 percent verbal and 93 percent non-verbal? Well, much of it is a pernicious myth, but there is some truth in the idea of congruence between what you say and how you say it. And when we witness a lack of congruence (in our perception) it is often that ‘gut’ feel, that sense of unease that causes us to mistrust what we are hearing.
We’ve all hidden something about ourselves from others.
We’re all tempted to “spin” to protect ourselves from some vulnerability or difficult situation. Sure, I have plenty of hidden parts, thank you. My recent intimate relationship with death has led to a great deal of mind spring-cleaning. In so doing, I’ve come across three common fears that cause us to hide some of our authenticity: rejection, exposure and vulnerability.
Welcome to this edition of the Leadership AdvantEdge Podcast and my purpose this week is to help you confidently make your next meeting or presentation perfect, and not be anxious about it.
To do that, today, I’m going to share with you how to do a premortem on your meeting or presentation by asking yourself six questions. On the show notes, I’ll share a PDF and a Word template that you can download and use to plan your next presentation or meeting premortem and make it perfect.
I have a secret to share with you. I have a fear of public speaking. Not because I don’t like to be the centre of attention, I love that. No, it’s because I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I want everything to be just so, well, perfect. And because of that, every time I have to speak in public, whether in a small group or a large auditorium, I get anxious. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot anxious. And I’m not alone.
When you’re in IT, the chances are pretty high that you are quieter than your non-IT colleagues. You are probably more introverted than they are and you might even be regarded as being a little bit quiet.
Nothing wrong with being quiet. It has worked for you pretty well. But there comes a time when you need to be sure that your voice is heard
There are three things that you can do to make yourself heard
Turn up the volume
Slow Down
Borrow my Confidence
Have you ever noticed how a Brit makes themselves understood in a foreign country? That’s right, they speak louder and enunciate more clearly. I said that they EEE NUN SEA ATE MORE CLEAR LEE.
Do you recall the last time that you were in a busy restaurant and there was one person whose voice could be heard across the room?
One of those loud, penetrating voices that cut through all the chatter
You couldn’t help but listen in and then you simply could not tune them out. You tried to focus on the person you were dining with, but that voice just took over.
Most people speak quietly. Softly. Almost inaudible. Even more so when they are feeling a little intimidated. Say, in a meeting with those more domineering Western style managers, all of whom seem to be vying for the attention seeking prize. It’s as if they all have neon signs flashing “look at me! Pat attention to me!” over their heads.
Then you get up to present your project update and suddenly everyone finds their phone so much more interesting.
When they get up to speak they’re brimming with confidence, and speak, up. You get up and speak normally, after all, there’s no need to SHOUT is there?
So tip number 1 is turn up the volume.
Volume in speaking comes entirely from the air in your lungs
More air means more volume. So you want to take deep great big lungfuls of the stuff. In through the nose and out through the mouth as you speak. Big deep breaths.
Now, you will notice that as you need to breathe in more deeply, that there is a pause in your speaking. It is impossible to speak as you breathe in. (Ok, some people can do circular breathing but you’re not one of them.)
As you breathe in you are pausing, not speaking
I want you to slow that down just a little more. Pause just slightly longer than you feel is comfortable. Now a little bit longer.
And now, as you speak, I’d like you to slow down some more. This is going to feel awkward for you. You think that it is too long and too slow. Not so. Very very few people pause too long and speak too slowly.
Those that you know who do, don’t their words just drip with wisdom?
Yes, they do. It’s considered thought. The chosen words are powerful and most importantly, you heard every single one of them.
So as you breathe in through your nose, breathe it deep into your belly and then let plenty of air cross your vocal chords as you speak from your diaphragm (right from that spot just under your ribs in the middle of your torso.
Think of speaking from that spot and sending your words to the back of the room and beyond.
Tip 2, I’ve already mentioned and that’s to slow down.
So as you speak with more volume from your diaphragm, halve the number of words per minute. You’ll be aching to speed up. Desperately thinking that this is way too slow. It’s not. It’s just right.
But I’m not used to this. I have a quiet voice. Always have. Nonsense! You yelled as loud as any baby demanding attention from your mum.
But when I get excited, I speed up and run out of breath
So do we all, if we don’t pay attention to our breathing and pace. Catch yourself and simply repeat what you said at half speed. Don’t worry, they probably didn’t hear what you said the first time anyway, so you won’t be repeating something they already heard.
Slow down some more.
Now stand with your head held high, your feet firmly planted on the floor
Your hands dropped straight down by the sides, breathe deep into your belly and out through your mouth. Speak deeply from your diaphragm sending your words to the back of the room and slow down some more.
I know that you can do this. In fact, I’m so confident that you can be heard and will be heard that I’m going to lend you my confidence.
There’s something not quite right.
Why is it so difficult to make yourself heard?